Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
