The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
