well most of my day revolves around power hour
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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