I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Randomize
