he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
