Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
