"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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