can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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