great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
