I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
