Yo dont text me then not text me
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
