Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
