I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
