if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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