brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You work out of a Hotel?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
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