Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Im part way to drunk.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
