Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
