i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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