I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Randomize
