remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
