Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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