so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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