Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
