Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
