Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
