I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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