i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
