God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
