Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
