The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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