If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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