she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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