Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
