My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
