you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i will never coherently bang her
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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