sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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