You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
