I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
