Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
