In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I intend to get homeless drunk
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
