So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
there was a trapeze. enough said
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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