it hurts more in the daytime
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
