you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
