I looked at my own cervix.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
