I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just gift wrapped bread.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
