so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
