Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
