i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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