he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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