I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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