Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
