I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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